Feb 1, 2019
As soon as I discovered the 90 day fiancé tv show, I was planning to share my story and experience about immigrating to America, and living here as a foreigner but proud citizen.
Yes, I’ve been living under a rock, because I just now discovered this tv show called ‘90 day fiancé’. It’s been going on for a long time, I think they are airing season 6 or 7 right now, so I’m a little bit late to the game. But if you have never heard about it (and if you are in a multicultural/long distance relationship, you should!), it’s a tv show that follows couples who applied for K1 visa. It’s a fiancé visa which means that somebody from another country arrives to American with the goal to get married to their partner within 90 days.
I mean! OMG, that’s exactly us!!! That’s me 10 years ago! So I immediately started watching from season 1, and become a big fan of the ‘90 day fiancé’ show!
Because when I watch it, it brings up so many memories and so many things in my life that I had forgotten about. And to be honest the more I watch it, the more I see the reality tv show aspect of it. They are trying to focus on a specific feeling that they want to achieve from the viewers. So I’m thinking it’s not how those couples truly experienced their journey.
These people make these big life decisions! Both of them! Those who are moving here to America, and those who are welcoming their partner into their home and life. I feel for those couples, because that what my husband and I did 10 years ago!
I hope that through my Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast and Group I will be able to connect more with people like them! I really root for all of you to win and get through this stage of your life, because it’s going to get better!
90 day fiancé unfortunately is questioning these couple’s intention to move to the USA just for the Green Card and to live in America. I know that for some people that’s the case, so the show is trying to find that out. But I wanted to share with you my journey, so you can see somebody’s experience who is not on the 90 day fiancé. :)
I didn’t come here with the K1 visa, but I also had only 90 days to get married, otherwise I would have had to go back to Hungary, (or Italy where I lived at that time). In the same way I wasn’t able to work, because I didn’t have my Permanent Residence or the Green Card. We also had a very short time spent together physically in one place, before deciding that we want to get married, and that I’m going to move to America to live with Adam. (We had a 2 weeks vacation and before that we spent maybe 5 days total. And then in between those meetings we had a long distance relationship for 4-5 months.) It’s a very short time, plus add to that that I didn’t speak any English, so our communication was very basic. Which is not a good idea when you’re planning to commit to somebody for life! We had a ton of misunderstandings and miscommunication because of the language barrier.
Although I did want Adam to come back to Italy, we ultimately decided that I will be the one moving to America, because Adam’s visa expired, he already had an established job, and I was also freshly out of school. So it was a good time for me to make the move.
We got engaged during our vacation, and when Adam went back to the USA, I started preparing myself to move. I packed up everything in my apartment, quit my job in Milan, tried to squeeze everything that I owned I two suitcases. My parents took me out to the airport, and I had to say goodbye to them, not knowing when I would see them again. This was 10 years ago!
I was super excited! I didn’t care about anything else but to finally be with Adam!
After I arrived to the states we knew that I would have to start getting some documents ready, so we hired a lawyer to make sure we did this process in the proper way and not run into any issues. He told us that we need to get married, so we applied for the Marriage Certificate and 3 days later said our vows at the courthouse. Then we just kinda started our life together!
Adam rented a little one bedroom apartment before I arrived, and started his full time job. Since I wasn’t able to work, I spent my days home alone studying, looking for jobs, running the household, learning the language, and getting to know the area. I felt so lucky that his family and friends accepted me, welcomed me, and made me feel at home.
It never occurred to me that somebody would think or accuse me of just wanting to come here for a Green Card.
Throughout this whole process and journey of moving into this new country, being with the man that I choose, leaving everything behind, saying goodbye to my family, not understanding the language and relying financially on my husband, I’m pretty lucky that nobody said that to my face.
Because watching this show made me think that how come nobody asked me these questions? When I told Adam that I can move here so we can be together, it never went through my head that he would maybe think that I just want to come here to be in America.
Did some people think that Adam brought a girl over here from Europe, who doesn’t even speak any English and can’t even work, and she is just going to be here sitting in the house alone for years?! That’s not a happy life!
However, fate is funny, because I did end up staying at home for years. As my honeymoon phase quickly turned into a stay-at-home-mom life, I was still struggling with culture shock, learning the language and finding my place in my husband’s home. 4 years of this resulted our marriage becoming completely destroyed. We separated and started the divorce process. By then I already got my American citizenship, AND that was the point in my relationship when I got accused that I only came her for the Green Card! It’s interesting how things work out. When something goes wrong, people are trying to find a reason behind it.
As all of you know we got through all of this! We’re good now, and have been for 5 years! We learned from our mistakes, started our relationship all over again, and we are in the better place than ever before.
Do people immediately think that anybody who comes to the US for love and for marriage really only wants a Green Card?
Now, 10 years after all of this crazy and unexpected journey I find the ‘90 days fiancé’ tv show that has stories of couples who are going through this same experience. It really brings up a lot of memories. And sometimes I get paranoid talking to strangers and trying to figure out what are they REALLY thinking about me?!
After all I hope that my husband knows that’s not why I came here, and that’s all that matters to me!
I would really love to hear your opinion and experience! And if you’re watching 90 days fiancé, what do you think about the show?
Let's chat over at my GMM group!
GMM SHOW NOTES: editvasadi.com/90dayfiance
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